yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
no, he came in my armpit
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
