Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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