So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
