Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
