What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
