I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
