she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
