He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
