I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
