i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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