it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So squirting runs in the family.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
