If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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