By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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