True but thats because hes a fetus.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize