Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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