wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
