Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
