Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
