plz talk dirty to me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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