Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
