We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
