The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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