okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
