I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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