I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
