I hate all girls vehemently.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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