How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
cat food counts as protein by the way
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
