I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
