He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
