it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize