i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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