honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
