i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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