wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize