Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
