I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
