I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
