she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
