Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
