3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
