yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
