Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
