My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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