if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
