apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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