i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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