I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
