One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
