Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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