My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
