I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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