Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
