YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
