you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
