Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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