We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
