I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
