Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize