i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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