As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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