Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
