What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
