Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize