Define "chronic" masturbator.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
