i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
