butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is wine microwaveable?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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