i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My life is pants optional.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
