I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
