I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She even gives head with a lisp.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
