Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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