you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
