I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
