one might say we're banned from that church
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize