remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
