so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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