Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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