I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
