She is in my trunk
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
